you never put away your phone you never put away your phone i know the times have changed and this song's gonna make me sound deranged but still i want you to put away your phone you are my twenty-first century girl you've been all around the world took a trip, a great big whirl and you captured the proof upon your phone you never put away your phone hell, that's even how we met when you swiped right not left you were just a picture in my phone i am your twenty-first century boy i don't get a whole lotta joy from this stupid plastic toy but i got nothing to replace my phone we never put away our phones thank god you never look me in the eyes 'cause i got nothing to say to you but lies but still i'd like you to put away your phone

sometimes you get the notion open your window: what do you see? you see a whole world struggling to breathe sometimes you get the notion to turn this thing around but life is an ocean and you live underground so you turn off the lights when you leave a room 'cause the dead don't need illumination in their tombs sometimes you get the notion to tear this thing apart but you know in your heart that you're not that smart so you write all the papers for your college class discuss oppression while you're smoking your grass sometimes you get the notion to kill, kill, kill is it the violence or the change that'll give you your thrill? so you sign the petition and you go to the march then you turn and run farther when the cops start to charge sometimes you get the notion to run away and quit but what're you gonna do without the internet? so you just buy all your meat from a local farm that somehow kills without causing any harm sometimes you get the notion that you've done your share there's more work to be done but you just don't care so you take your finger and raise it to the sky you go down to the store and you buy, buy, buy

unpatriotic rotten doctor commie rats carrie had a husband, carrie had a man home in new york they do what they can they used to want to change this whole world around got a lot of opinions but they didn't know how and their friends don't help 'cause their friends don't know how to make a difference when change is so slow now carrie's husband is a tv man he writes all the scripts for the tv scam carrie read a story in the new york times 'bout colombian rebels living in the sunshine so she got her things, packed up her trunk she hasn't had sex with mark in a month she wants to go down spread her money around she wants to go down underground she wants to be a revolutionary a guerrilla fighter in the bushes and the trees she wants to go where she can do her best she wants to go where change might come fast carrie's doing great, carrie's doing fine got a new man and another on the line she feels confident and she feels so strong now that she's learned how to fire a gun and she carries her kalashnikov around with her revels in the power that it infers mark's pretty worried, he's such a good guy he spends a lot of money on a private eye he finds out where she's been and he's none too pleased so he boards a plane flies over belize he flies over nicaragua, over panama lands in the jungle in colombia he searches for days 'til he finds where she's hiding comes to tell her that she's gotta quit trying when they hear a plane fly through the sky and a bomb falls out of its unmarked side now carrie and mark's cold war is done another revolution's been outrun way back home, the c.i.a. pat each other's back for a banner day the director stands behind the buffet opens his mouth wide to say: "we gotta protect americans no matter what the cost might be to them"

another side this story takes place in 1964 and like the best it's set in new york city our hero is a boy named johnny: seventeen and feeling free johnny and his friends keep their circle tight they are children of privilege one and all they spend several hours inside of record stores and then search for rubes to buy them alcohol you can tell that they're cool, you can check their cards well, they're living freewheelin' shoulda seen 'em when the times changed hard johnny sends a note across the class to mary and she reads it aloud to her friends it says meet me at the gaslight at a quarter to eight and we can see phil ochs hang his head see, they really liked those headline songs they don't got no time for love and they all talked for hours about how everybody's got the same blood you can see that they're part of the modern moral guard well, they loved freewheelin' shoulda seen 'em when the times changed hard now summer's burning strong, manhattan she's so sweaty, oh the city belongs to horny teens walking down fourth street johnny feels like a king, standing next to his queen he takes a puff of grass, he checks out mary's ass he's pretty sure he's gonna have a good night a thousand miles south they just found chaney's body but that's not gonna bother him tonight he knows there's too many black bodies in the graveyard but he's living freewheelin' shoulda seen him when his dick got hard four days later, johnny he's at mary's and they're smoking next to the player got a brand new record from their favourite man: their jesus and their creator but they don't like this other side of him how could he write so small? see, an album's worth of mystery love songs just ain't worth nothing at all their hero went and left 'em, he showed such disregard well, they loved freewheelin' shoulda seen 'em when the times changed hard but they're too cool for this other side, don't like this romantic blowhard

midnight drinking choir we talked for hours with the lights off growing stronger as we grew more soft and i couldn't help but be aware of the black nighttime glare tearing in from across the square and i felt like a man, i had you and you were rare i was in bed and you were there sometime later, years have gone by still wanna cry but my eyes are dry and i don't know what to do when my thoughts decide to fix on you these images in my head like tattoos waiting for me to review waiting for me to misconstrue waiting for me to approximate some kind of breakthrough but when i can stand outside my mind i know that by the past i've been confined i know that i've been running blind and i've been lying when i go out to meet someone new all i see are these sad tired dudes drinking primarily to feel less functionary, arbitrary, ordinary to make their lives seem a little less stationary and really just to not have such a dense obituary their fogless eyes gleam and criticize when they alight upon their prize they walk up and they advertise no one gets a word in edgewise as they loudly theorize and show you how to better fraternize you better believe that they capitalize, commercialize, fictionalize but they never empathize, collectivize, romanticize my biggest sin is i romanticize

picture plans of vision red i used to dream of answers in the form of mescaline shamans on the roadside calling out with mandolins so i flew to arizona in a plane my god had built to find wise men or women and deny my modern guilt i’d drive all night to find 'em if i only had a car and also a license and just a little wherewithal somebody out there knows the things that i don’t know i don’t know how to find them so i guess that i’ll just go that’s how i found myself in the desert with no clothes having sucked all of the moisture out of my knee socks and my gloves i happened upon a cabin guarded by three rattlesnakes they asked me three riddles and they spat right in my face but i still got 'em right and i asked 'em for three more been trying to be pickier about my friends but man, i was bored then maria launches over the hill and i forget my name she says nice to meet you and i tell her just the same i spent a pleasant lifetime lapping at her pleasant life we made happiness look sad and i called her my wife in a ceremony presided over by snakes and hawks and dogs we were all overfed and none of us had jobs but i started staring blankly out the window like i do for hours and hours and hours and hours and hours yes it’s true figure it’s time to be moving on, i gotta find my truth took me thirty-six hours but i remembered just how to move it’s true there’s nothing better than being free out on the road but i was impatient and i wanted to know where to go i’d stolen somebody’s bicycle and i covered so much ground leaving my little line behind me like a flag jack ruby unwound still i was no closer to finding a shaman or an answer couldn’t help thinking of maria, my snake-charming dancer when up beside me rolls a girl on a motorcycle couldn’t tell just from looking if she was friendly or homicidal we had a pretty good time, me and her and that hog i liked her and it cause they were unpretentious and 100% analog we pictured plans of vision read, i watched her rip a page out of a book that had no cover, all about the iron age she stuck it on my face with glue, and i went around like that tryna learn by teaching, but my only students were bats they couldn’t even read it unless i acted out the sounds so i took them to an optometrist in the nearest two horse town sure ain’t easy to get there, since they can’t see and neither can i thanks to the page hanging from my forehead and covering my eyes i hear maria driving by, gone blind as the bats and myself don’t know how to tell her than i’m on somebody else my bats sit down in the waiting room, there’s a palpable sense of suspense maria walks right in the door, and, well, that makes sense when their operation’s done my bats take one long look at me tell me my page is just unmarked bark from a decidedly coniferous tree well i rip the thing right off, and the light confounds my eyes maria floats right off the table, anaesthetic's keeping her high when her operation’s done and they remove her surgical mask we see each other like for the first time with a fateful flash "i love you," she says to me, "i love you" i say to her let’s never be apart again it’s always you i prefer now we live together in her cabin in the sand i guess i found my shaman and she likes to hold my hand

bowling green blues a young man went out walking one day into the pastoral pastures of the usa bowling green, kentucky he had a weird misshapen lump into the back of his jeans something was tucked could it be a gun? or a knife? or a goddam hydrogen bomb? no, it was his wallet and he bought a donut. well, now the police are on high alert in bowling green, kentucky got swat teams, helicopters, snipers in the dirt in bowling green, kentucky we've got to protect these citizens from themselves now every time an ant comes out of its hill in bowling green the mayor gets on a private line and calls the president's personal team he says we're so lucky to be here in kentucky with no terrorist schemes and kellyanne conway says, "put the phone down, friend! keep your eyes on that green! you've no idea just how clean these people can be"

so i started a meme page so i started a meme page and it’s doing pretty good got a couple hundred followers before the week was did and i don’t know what i’m doing, i’m just stabbing in the dark but as i’m writing this song i just got followed by @gayvapeshark and i know where i’m going: where the pizza hits the sky so i started a meme page and it’s doing even better got a couple thousand followers, i’m like a damn chain letter i lay awake at night wishing for another like or better yet a comment - give that engagement rate a hike and i know where i’m going: where the pizza hits the sky so i started a meme page and it’s doing awful grand i make a thousand bucks a week off of off brand ads pretty soon the curtain’ll fall, i’m gonna pull a bait and switch this is now mckinnon’s account and you’re all fans of his and i know where i’m going: where the pizza hits the sky so i started a meme page, now i’m on a world tour living like bob dylan but my material is newer getting 9.6 from pitchfork and who cares what where else i’m drinking up a storm, yeah, i’m loosening my belts and i know where i’m going: where the pizza hits the sky so i started a meme page and i’m living like the charmed i'm starting to wonder if i shouldn't be more alarmed 'cause whenever i think i've found a real pizza in the sky it turns out i'm just dreaming or else i'm getting high and i know where i'm going, though my grammies do belie that i'm never gonna get there, not where the pizza hits the sky

st. urbain & fairmount at st. urbain and fairmount bagels fill the air there's an expiration date printed on this affair or so i'm told and from your window i saw the old men in their hasidic hats and i saw the hip young girls and they all wore short pants must be cold and when snow falls in october when leaves and limbs are dry when québec's turned white, and ontario's on fire it's friction keeps us spry i felt the night wind blowing as i stepped off of the train the only thing left from this weekend is this heart-shaped stain on my jeans i binged on love, binged on sex, i nearly overdosed i smoked outside in the cold, it was almost halloween and when snow falls in october when you've cried all you've cried when québec's gone mouldy, and ontario's divine it's friction where they pry now i cannot afford toronto and my skin is too thin for montréal i'm starting to think that it ain't the city i'll just never find love at all

song for bobby (november 11, 2016)